Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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