You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
