That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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