Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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