I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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