Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
