I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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