Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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