Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I need to calm my uterus...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
