Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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