Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
