yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
