sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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