# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
