I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
