Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
