Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if i died would you start the facebook group?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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