i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
