Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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