I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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