3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
