we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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