I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My life is pants optional.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
