There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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