just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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