rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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