there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
