Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
