do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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