Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
