Can Purell be used as lube?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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