Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
