I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
