Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize