Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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