He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
