trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
