Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
