Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
