i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
