shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
