my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
smell my finger.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
