girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
