after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
