i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
