my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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