He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
