At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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