I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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