jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
