Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
