just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
