the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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