Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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