When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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