Who wears a wallet chain?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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