I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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