Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
