Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
