my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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