i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
