The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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