New invention idea: vibrating tampons
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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