I want to make a zoo with you.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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