I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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