There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize