I cannot find my penis.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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