can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
