Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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