the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
