I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
