I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
