I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
