Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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